I don't know why I really don't talk about this topic. And I might of mentioned this before on here a while ago too...but maybe because I feel I'm still considered young and can't really relate any advice to other married people like myself? Or the fact that my blog isn't private and that I don't like to talk much about my really personaaal stuff on a public site...? Yeah, think that has a lot to do with it. But this is a space where I'm suppose to talk freely, not worry about judgment and just be me. Soo I'm working on that for 2017, opening up more and just being real. If someone were to ask right now, the top things I've learned in the last couple of years (well, almost 2 years) of being married...I wouldn't really know where to begin, hahaa. Honestly. It's not something I ponder about on the daily, that's all :)
*Currently thinking...........
- Ok, I would first say you have to have fun! Go someplace new in your city, cook together at home, have a movie date night, go out with other couples. You get the idea. Continue 'dating' each other. There's so many things we as a adults have to deal with on the day to day. Being grown just isn't all that fun, all of the time. Like waking up at 5:15am every morning besides the weekends, sitting in traffic, paying bills, and the daily grind! My point is sometimes the same routine day in and day out, can start to feel like a drag at times.
- Don't take everything so seriously. Joke, play,wrestle, whatever. Try and get back to being a kid at heart. I use to get soooo mad when Dylan would horse around, or try to wrestle with me and just get on my nerves. He would like to mess with me when I wasn't in the mood at all. Elijah would even jump in on the fun, so of course I couldn't be upset anymore,lol. Now, I'm the one who will try and start the tackling and show 'em who's boss!
- Say I love you more. Whether its thru actions, your words, just show you mean it. I say it everyday no doubt. But I'm probably too hard on myself , and feel at times I need to improve in this area. There are so many little things D does to show he appreciates and loves me. And I'm such a happy gal because of him! Annd because he's so sweet, sometimes I feel I should try and do more. Not that he complains or anything. It's just during the week most days I'm so drained, I find myself getting stressed and caught up in the work week. Again, I'm probably being too analytical/critical of myself? Alot of times though I can be
kindavery moody and he still puts up with me, lol. I think all women are like this? We're our own worst critics and just think too much? - Don't try to be your parents.Ok. I could make an entire post on just this one subject. There's a lot both Dylan and I have learned over the years. We met in (February) '05 and eventually became good friends. Yes just friends! (plus I wasn't allowed to date at the age of 16, crazy I know. I didn't try my parents when it came to that). Anyways, he was younger than me so I definitely had no interest at all,haha! Well, over time we knew there was something more to our friendship. After some time he ended up moving back to Florida. Short story is we stuck it out in high school (my parents finally let me date,lol) and for a little bit in college. Everyone who knows us, has seen us at our worst though in our relationship. A lot of people in the past I'm sure, has at one point wondered why we would keep going back to each other. (Which we've called it quits for long periods of times before too). Once we became parents (Did I mention I found out I was pregnant while we were actually broken up? Seriously, the 'we are never ever getting back together' broken up) and things seriously got real...We went from long distance, to living with each other and adjusting to this new life in a matter of months.That part we could handle, we loved each other and wanted to make it all work. However, we were still fairly new young adults. His Dad wanted him to be a certain way with things and vice versa with my mom. We both grew up in well, a controlling household. (my parents were very strict, his parents were also, to a certain degree). Hopefully I don't sound rude or anything saying that, but it is the truth, lol. We love our parents, and have always been close. So at the time anything my parents would tell me, I'd take into consideration. I think b/c we're Hispanics as well?? Hahaha. All jokes aside though...I'm not knocking any advice that we'd both receive from them or anything since they always meant well. But tooo much advice, did interfere. It eventually created a major gap between the two of us. Looking back, we were trying to be what we both were accustomed to growing up(not sure if that makes sense?) . He had his certain outlooks on life&relationships and I had mine. Basically we found out we were quite opposite from one another. And that just doesn't work out all of the time, especially if you come from TWO entirely different worlds. Once we finally decided to put all the opinions and negativity aside...we somehow miraculously came back to one another. (ok that probably sounded a little too dramatic?) But we threw all the bs away and focused on being a family. Long story short, some opportunities came about...so I (we) took the leap of faith and went to California. It wasn't an easy decision at all. I was out of my comfort zone, away from family and friends. The good thing is though, I believe that was the best thing for us. Being away, we figured out who we wanted to be in our relationship and overall we learned to be a family. Jesus seriously worked all of it out for us. That's also another story, I think i'll share about one day:)
- Since we're on the topics of parents...Don't be his parents and vice versa. Whoever is reading this is probably thinkin' huh??........Thankfully my husband already has an amazing mother that I love and look up to, just like I do with my own mom! Sometimes I have to know when to not sound like well, his mom. I know I'm not the only wife who does that!!? We can sometimes find ourselves in that lecture mode. He'll come home from a long day after work and maybe vent , and so your only looking out for his best interests and try to be the problem solver for him. BUT then end up sounding like his mom and pops. So my tips for that is be supportive, listen, and don't always criticize. (I know, easier said then done! )
- ALWAYS have separate bank accounts!Hhaahaa relaaaax.Jkjkjk. We actually do share one, plus savings. Some married couples prefer their own acc'ts, in terms of managing the bills and so on. I personally don't see anything wrong with having an extra personal account. But everyone has their own ways of what works best for them ! *don't argue about money. Again, easier said then done right?
- All married folks constantly hear this one.Communication, communication, communication. Which I think all the points I've listed above involve communicating. (Love, talk, laugh)
- DON'T BE STUBBORN. Aka never go to sleep angry/be fair and apologize. (we've all heard this one too)I'll be honest...This is one my(our) struggles. I definitely have my moments with this one. There's times D and I can have a disagreement about the dumbest and smallest things, that I end up frustrated because I want to have the last word. And he trys to do the same as well. Then we both just get so irritated, the whole thing is honestly stupid. In moments like these, sometimes one of us has to walk away for a few minutes! But seriously I can get soo mad when he trys to be stubborn right back! It's a working progress.
- Set time aside for yourself. This is essential. I love spending as much time as possible with my best friend, I honestly do! But it's still healthy and refreshing to have your 'you time' or maybe some 'girl time/girls night' and vice versa.
- Never look at marriage as a chore. Tiny example: there have been times Dylan would get home from work and once we got settled and relaxed for the night, I would slowly/peacefully start to drift off to a good sleep. Then he would oh soo sweetly ask for a back rub since he'd be sore. I'm trying to not laugh outloud right now..but it would tick me off guys!!! I can't even express how upset I would be. LOL I never mind doing these things, but when I'm falling asleep.. that's another story. And usually i'll gladly give him a back rub without him even having to ask. He would say that isn't entirely true, BUT it is :) My point is you should do things because you really want to! Not because you feel it's part of the checklist that keeps your marriage aflow.
Marriage was created to be fun (believe it or not) , and living life to the fullest with your significant other aka: best friend. You should be able to be yourself, be carefree and what not. Take silly selfies and share it with the world, whatever it is...create lifetime memories with them. And if your not one of those 'social media/instagram couples' that's ok too. The amount of selfies or pics you have posted on your account doesn't define your marriage or relationship. &Yeah marriage isn't always easy, since everyone has their issues. But being a team and working thru all of that will give you a completely different (and positive) outlook. I'm obviously not trying to preach or anything, but the one thing I've learned is you gotta always have God in the middle, always lean on His word. Always show love and encouragement thru your actions, and the words you speak. It's also important in my opinion, to not try and change your wife/husband into something their not. The goal should be to continuously uplift one another, to be stronger and better together with each and every new day you get. Don't complain or compare your marriage to others, is another big one I forgot to mention. Comparing will get you no where. Love the life you have with your spouse. You may not always like their annoying habits or agree on everything, but always show up and never give up.
If anyone has any feedback or added advice, please share! I'd love to read your outlooks on it. And whoever stopped by to read this lengthy post, thank you(!!) and hope you enjoyed my honest thoughts on this topic, we sometimes don't like to get too personal about! <3
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